Liang’s Birth Story

Liang was surprised to find herself pregnant after accepting that she would never have a child of her own. Yet she embraced the opportunity to be a mom and join the “largest secret society in the world,” as she put it. Liang knew from the beginning she wanted an unmedicated birth and was drawn to the Birth Center of Chicago. A few days after her due date, she started having contractions. She labored at home for a day before her water broke, but once she was in active labor, things moved faster than expected. In fact, both she and Mel underestimated how far along she was. She had planned to labor at the Birth Center, but when she arrived, they told her she was ready to push. After a little over an hour, her son Simon was born.

This is Liang's Story:

It took me about six years to get pregnant. I wasn’t really trying, but I wasn’t preventing it either. I knew I had PCOS and low fertility, so I assumed it just wouldn’t happen. And I’d made peace with that. I imagined having a great, child-free adult life. But then I lost close to 90 pounds over the course of about nine months, which helped regulate my hormones and, I think, allowed me to conceive. 

That year, I was traveling a lot for work and I was barely home. My husband and I had sex maybe like five times the whole year and then one of those times, boom, I was pregnant. I was shocked and at first, I couldn’t really wrap my head around it. It was never in my plan for my life. If you had asked me a year ago, I never could have imagined this. Maybe now it’s easier for me to get pregnant, but it still felt like it could be the only time I could have a child naturally. And now I’m very happy to be a mom. 

My mom gave birth to me in 1993 in China, under a very different medical system. And when I asked her about my birth, she didn’t even know if I was born on her due date. The whole birth was such a haze for her. She knew it had been a vaginal birth with an epidural, but she really didn’t remember much else. 

So I wanted an unmedicated birth because I thought it would be easier to feel the sensations of pushing and really be present for the experience. I also don’t like needles, and the idea of being numb from the waist down actually freaked me out more than the pain of labor. And everything I’d been doing to support my body anyway, exercise, cleaning up my diet, regulating my system, had started me on this holistic, functional medicine path. It just aligned more with my values to try to have a natural, unmedicated birth. 

I was still undecided about whether to do a home birth or go to the birth center. I ended up choosing the Birth Center of Chicago because the idea of setting everything up at home, sterilizing the space and dealing with my three cats felt intimidating. I also didn’t like the hospital closest to me, so the birth center seemed like the safest and most comfortable option.

I really prioritized movement throughout my pregnancy. At around maybe eight weeks, I did a triathlon. I kept racing during pregnancy and stayed as active as I could, because I believed it would help me with pushing and give me the endurance and mental strength for labor. Yoga, especially hot yoga, was also really great. It’s like 105 degrees and you’re supposed to surrender to the heat and discomfort. It trains you to sit with uncomfortable feelings, so I think it really helped prepare me for labor and delivery. 

The Birth

Right around 40 weeks, I got sick with a bad cold, I was congested and my whole body just felt terrible. I was really worried about going into labor while in that condition. But that’s exactly what happened. I remember taking a lot of nasal decongestion spray and trying to rest. My husband caught the same cold from me, so he was sick too and actually ended up having to wear a mask through the labor. 

I had about 24 hours of inconsistent contractions before my water broke. They would come every 20 or 30 minutes, then stop for a few hours, and then start again. I knew I was getting close because I felt the baby drop into my pelvis and I noticed some discharge. Still, I was surprised when my water broke. It happened around 11 am when I was lying in bed, but it was just a small trickle, not a dramatic gush.

We called Mel and they came around noon. I remember saying, “Should I just go to the hospital to get meds and an epidural so I can rest? Or just get a C-Section so they can cut this baby out of me?” I was tired from being sick and not sleeping. I was scared because I really didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know how much longer the labor would last. But Mel and my husband encouraged me to stay home and try the bath. I got in around 1:30 p.m., but I remember it didn’t seem to help much. I was still feeling very anxious and I was like “I don’t know if I can do this.” But Mel and my husband really encouraged me to stay at home and keep going. 

I had a specific birth plan I wanted to execute, but at the same time, I also knew birth is like the wild west, you never know what you’re going to encounter. So I tried to keep an open mind the whole time. I think that’s one reason why at first I was like “Should I go to the hospital?” but ultimately I think I knew that the harsh hospital environment would make me more anxious. The Birth Center was partnered with Illinois Masonic but I had never been there, I didn’t know the staff there at all, it wouldn’t have felt right.  

I’d imagined myself being someone who would want lots of support like hip squeezes and  encouragement, or even just like to hug Mel or my husband, but it turned out for my entire labor I actually didn’t want anyone touching me or even talking to me. I just wanted to be left alone to labor. So I spent most of that time lying on my side, switching from one side to the other, sorta like a rotisserie chicken. Mel just stayed close and stared at me the whole time, but didn’t touch me, which was perfect. My husband tried to touch me and I said, “Nope, don’t touch me.” 

The one piece of advice I really remembered was to breathe through the contractions without tensing up. I focused on breathing out through my mouth and relaxing my eyebrows. I thought of the contractions like waves, with a buildup, a peak, and then a release. You follow the rhythm of the contraction with your breathing. I had read a bunch of Ina May Gaskin’s books, and in one of them a contraction is described as a wave that crashes into the mouth of a cave and then slowly retreats away. I’m a Pisces, I love water, and I really wanted to give birth in the tub, so I found thinking about that natural water imagery a lot really helped me. 

At around 4:30 p.m., I asked Mel, “Can we go to the birth center now?” But they encouraged me to wait a little longer because my contractions weren’t quite a minute long yet, I think they were still like only 40 seconds. But at around 6 p.m., when I asked again, we started getting ready. 

I think one reason both Mel and I underestimated how far along I was because Mel had said that once you’re past seven centimeters or so and in active labor, you can’t really talk or think clearly. But just before we left for the birth center, I turned to Mel and said, “Maybe we should call them to let them know we’re coming.” I’d contacted them earlier and they said to labor at home, so I just wanted to give a heads-up that now we were on our way. Mel thought that because I was still planning things, I couldn’t be that far along. But I guess my Type A brain just never shut off. 

I also thought there would be more of a noticeable shift from early labor to active labor, like from 0 to 6 cm, 6 to 8, and then 8 to 10 cm. But for me, everything felt like more or less the same sensation. The only change was that the timing of my contractions got more regular, but I didn’t notice that they were coming closer together or anything. 

The birth center was a 45-minute drive, and just before we left, my contractions started to feel different. It wasn’t a strong sensation, just a need to bear down at the end of each contraction, and a slight urge to push. Looking back, I should have known that was a sign I was close to being fully dilated, but I still thought it would be more intense. So really thought I would get to the birth center and be only six centimeters.

The car ride was rough. I was just laying in the back seat without a seatbelt, trying to focus on my breathing. I was pretty out of it, but I still probably asked my husband, “Are we there yet?” every 10 minutes. The worst part wasn’t even the pain of the contractions themselves but this intense pressure that was building in my pelvis.

Arriving at the Birth Center

When we arrived around 7 p.m., they did all the intake stuff, the blood pressure and vitals, before they finally checked me. They said I was 10 centimeters and could start pushing anytime. I was shocked, I had pretty much done all the laboring at home and on the way there. I was like holy crap—no I said, “Holy shit!” Suddenly I remember my eyes flew wide open and that was the moment I realized I could actually do this. I’m going to have this baby tonight. 

Everyone at the birth center was calm and supportive, the lights were dim and everyone spoke softly. I’m not naturally calm or chill, I just don’t have that energy, so I really admire it in other people. It helped me stay calm throughout the whole experience. They filled up the tub and guided me in. 

I hadn’t realized how hard pushing would be. I guess I’d read so many birth stories where women said they pushed five or ten times and the baby was out. I had it in my head that if you just did a lot of core exercises and had really strong abdominal muscles, the baby just comes out easily. So when I asked the midwives how long pushing usually takes and they said two hours, I definitely got discouraged because that was way longer than I had been thinking.

I stayed on my hands and knees the entire time because every other position felt uncomfortable. I kept thinking, “I’m already so tired, but I still have to push this baby out.” Around the 30-minute mark, I was feeling really exhausted and I really had no idea if I was making any progress. The midwives kept asking if I wanted to reach down and feel how far the baby was. They said he was right there, but the thought of reaching down and touching all that freaked me out. Plus I thought if I realized he wasn’t so far along I would get discouraged again. My contractions had slowed down in the water and I probably could’ve had him faster if I’d gotten out, but I really wanted a water birth and the water was calming. 

So instead I just kept pushing and then within the hour, he was out. I didn't get that fetal ejection reflex people talk about, where the baby just slips out uncontrollably. I could feel him coming out, but it wasn’t a super strong sensation. I remember I was yelling loudly, “He’s out!” and then he came out. For me, “The Ring of Fire” (when the baby’s head crowns) felt like a stretching sensation, but it wasn’t too painful, more like when you open your mouth really wide and feel a pull.

I knew women bled a lot during birth, but I was still shocked at how much there was. And the placenta slid out a few minutes after the baby, it was really uncomfortable. The midwife had to pull on the cord to get it to fully come out. For me, the sensation of the placenta being pulled out was almost more uncomfortable than delivering the baby. 

Liang and her partner welcome baby in the tub

He was born around 9 and we left the center around 1:30 a.m. after a few hours of observation. One of the best parts of giving birth at the birth center was that I was able to get up and walk right after he came out. I was pumped up on adrenaline and it was a huge relief to move around freely, which wouldn’t have been possible if I’d had an epidural. From start to finish, it ended up being only around nine hours of active labor, so that’s pretty short.

Overall, I think I had a really positive labor and delivery experience. Mel’s Birthing From Within class I took helped a lot. I also listened to a ton of birth stories on The Birth Hour podcast, probably hundreds. They have a lot of unmedicated birth stories, but I also listened to the stories on c-sections and epidurals. I learned a lot about different pregnancy and post-birth complications from there too. I felt really prepared going in, except for maybe the pushing part. I remember thinking that people make birth sound like this scary, unpleasant, horrible thing. But because I had of people like Mel and the midwives at the birth center and how calm the environment was, it was really positive. If I ever have another child, I’d definitely go through the birth center again, or maybe even try a home birth. 

But I do wish I’d labored at the birth center longer and enjoyed it more. I really just went in to push and be observed, but they had all these tools, aerial silks and a ladder wall, that I’d thought I’d use. I’ve done aerial silks a little, so I thought I would be the woman who would try all of these fun things during labor but I didn’t get to do any of that. But then again I also realized I’m the kind of person that just wants to lay down and is dead silent during most of labor. 

Postpartum Reflection

Postpartum honestly took me by surprise. I had no idea how hard it would be to recover, even after a relatively easy labor without any tearing. The bleeding was heavy and lasted for weeks, and after nine months of weight gain and body changes, then he’s born and suddenly my body feels totally different, like the body is shrinking and organs are shrinking back to size. The weirdest thing was the imbalance, my center of gravity had shifted entirely. I really noticed it in my workouts. At 6 weeks I was cleared and I tried to go back to being very active. I really needed it more for my mental health than even my physical health, but I had such a loss of core strength and such an instability and imbalance. Plus it’s obviously hard to get back into a consistent routine with a baby. I would say the fourth trimester has been the hardest part, harder than pregnancy and harder than labor and delivery, because I had read a lot of birth stories, but I had no idea what to expect adjusting to being a new parent.

Luckily, I had 12 weeks of maternity leave, and my husband had 10 weeks of paternity leave. We staggered them so we wouldn’t have to send him to daycare until he’s about five months old. But this staggering also meant my husband only took about the first week off, and then I was mostly on my own.

I didn’t get a postpartum doula because honestly I didn’t want to spend the money. I just tried to power through. But breastfeeding especially was complicated for me. The state of Illinois requires a newborn screening, this huge blood screening that checks for all these disease biomarkers. They told us Simon might have a rare metabolic disorder where he can’t digest medium-chain fatty acids, which are in breast milk. So he would have to go on this special formula for three weeks while we waited for the final results. I was also trying to pump during that time, but I didn’t know what I was doing, and I don’t think I ever really established my milk supply and that’s something I really regret. We got a lactation consultant, but it was a little late and we tried triple feeding for a week, but it didn’t work for me, so at that point I was like, “Well, Simon can just be a formula kid from now on.” And it actually turned out Simon didn’t have the condition, so that was good, but it was a little late. 

Postpartum was hard, I couldn’t breastfeed, I couldn’t sleep, and it’s a lot to try to figure everything out. I thought about hiring a night nurse, but at $50 an hour, it was just too expensive. And there were these new parent meetups at the birth center every week, but I only made it to the first one. It was hard to get there with a newborn, especially since it’s over 45 minutes away for us.

But Mel was really helpful. They have an open-door policy for three months postpartum and they did a follow-up visit, which was nice. It was a bit of a struggle to find other supports, but I did do a lot of reading and connecting with some online communities. And it helped to know that everyone from our birthing class was going through the same thing at the same time. 

Physically, obviously, my body’s not the same. I’ve always had a pretty good body image and self-esteem, at all sizes, even when I was a lot heavier. In the nine months before I got pregnant, I lost 90 pounds and then I got pregnant and went through even more changes, and now postpartum, my body looks and feels different again. It’s changed so much over the past two years that I honestly have no solid concept of what I look like, my body feels so foreign. Every time I start to adjust to my body, it changes again. So right now, I’m really trying to focus on self-acceptance. I want to understand this new body of mine and treat it with respect and honor it. 

Also mentally and spiritually, I feel different after giving birth. Even when my husband or parents are watching him, I’m always thinking about him in the back of my mind. I sleep a lot lighter now because I’m always listening out for him. And I already had a lot of anxiety before, so it’s been hard to adjust because my anxiety’s now been so heightened postpartum. I’m always thinking about him and wondering where he is or what he’s doing. I’m someone who needs a lot of alone time to think and process emotions. Having a child has thrown me for a loop because you really have no time to yourself. There’s no peace and quiet. I have to work extra hard to find that so I can regulate myself. Now that Simon is sleeping better at night and I have the option to sleep, I’d rather sacrifice some sleep and stay up later just to have a few hours to myself. I’ve gained so much empathy for working parents. I’m back at work now and I never really thought about what it would mean to be a working parent till I became one. There are so many competing priorities and you have to try to find that work-life balance.

It’s been a crazy journey that’s gotten me interested in birth and labor. It feels almost like I was inducted into the largest secret society in the world. Society still doesn’t give moms enough credit. Society profits so much off the invisible labor of women and motherhood but they don’t value us, because if they valued us we’d have better maternity leave. We’re not there yet.