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LGBTQ Pregnancy: Books to Read When You're Queer & Pregnant
- Mel Haley
- 3 days ago
- 5 min read
I just talked to a queer person who was struggling to find pregnancy resources that didn't make them feel the ick. The cishets have a corner on the pregnancy book market, so finding resources when you are queer and expecting is no small feat. Lucky for you, I have some recommendations!
Note: if you are queer and trying to conceive, start here for the first post in this series of book recommendations.
Can't Skip the Classics
The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians, 1999: A groundbreaking book that covers everything you needed to know to get pregnant as a lesbian before Y2K. I love this book because it feels like a historical artifact: a reminder that queers have been doing this for so long that books have been written in the previous century about it (queers have been doing this forever, it was just that finally a book was published about it).
The Other Mother, 2006: Written specifically for lesbian couples when no other books like it existed, this tome is a collection of stories from non-biological mothers. If you read it with the appropriate historical lens, it is a valuable resource that cover topics like figuring out what you role is as a parent outside of typical gender norms, and navigating feelings that come up when you "share" a role (i.e., you both always dreamed of being THE mother).
Queer Parenting, General
Swelling With Pride, 2018: A collection of 25 stories about how queer families are made from queer conception with ART to adoption. Especially if you are feeling lonely, this could be a little chicken soup for the queer parent soul. There is grief, struggle, co-nursing, and everything in between. I sometimes also recommend this one to folks who are not yet pregnant because I think that it is a beautiful introduction to queer parenting.
LGBTQ Family Building: A Guide for Prospective Parents, 2022: Another guide that attempts to do it all from conception to parenting for every letter of the rainbow. I particularly like that this book includes a timeline of queer parenting history in the appendix. Again, this book is more general and therefore will likely be most helpful if you get it early on in the journey since it talks through pathways to parenting. The topics here cover he LGBTQ spectrum and do not assume that you have a willing and able uterus in the mix.
Abundance! Queer Books on Pregnancy & Birth
Pregnant Butch, 2014: A comic book depiction of a masc lesbian's pregnancy experience. This is a real gem for so many reasons, but most of all because it so beautifully captures how pregnancy shakes up your understanding of your own body. I have even had non-butches read and love this book. So refreshing to be reminded that pregnancy doesn't have to be femme!
Seahorses: Trans, Nonbinary, and Gender-Expansive Pregnancy, 2025: Another anthology about the beauty of queer folks - and especially trans folks - creating family. This is a collection that highlights resilience through all parts of family building from TTC to parenting. I personally prefer books like this over memoirs because you get to hear many different stories in one place.
Liminal Chrysalis: Imagining Reproduction and Parenting Futures Beyond the Binary, 2021: While not only about birth, this book expands all parts of reproduction with a uterus. The collection includes multiple formats of writing - poetry, speculative fiction, memoir - from different writers. Read this book if you need a break from the binary thinking that permeates our culture around reproduction, or make anyone who calls you "mama" read it.
Queer Nursing, 2020: This booklet is in its 5th edition since 2020 and for good reason. It is short, easy to digest, and extremely helpful for anyone trying to get the lay of the land on nursing. I've had multiple couples read it aloud to each other before bed. I have purchased maybe 10 copies of this over the years and I am only currently in possession of one copy. This is book that every family wants to keep - and I generally tend to let them.
For the Non-Birthing Parent
What's in a Name? Perspectives from Non-Biological and Non-Gestational Queer Mothers, 2020: a similar book to "The Other Mother" but 15 years newer and therefore more reflective of the world we currently live in. Another set of anthologies capturing many different experiences from queer folks who are not giving birth themselves.
Pregnancy Books That Aren't Explicitly Queer, But Are Still Worth Your Time
Transformed by Birth, 2020: This book is a top recommendation for me no matter who you are. A descendant of Pam England's Birthing From Within updated for current times in both tone and topic. TBB is a lovely book to listen to with your partner in the car on the way to appointments. Many of the chapters can stand alone so no need to listen straight through. You can pick the chapter most relevant to you on any given day and then listen to just that one.
Why Did No One Tell Me This? 2020: A question and answer format book written by two doulas, this is visually appealing, easy to read, and inclusive. The illustrations and conversational tone make this book easily digestible and perfect for someone who isn't in the mood to read because they have pregnancy brain fog.
Nurture, 2017: A week by week guide to pregnancy that is not overly flowery or femme. It is still written for "moms" about "motherhood" so it won't be for everyone. That said, it is leaps and bounds better than What to Expect, which is the original week over week pregnancy book and is riddled with outdated practices and body shaming (all from a strong cishet lens).
Birth Partner, 2025: The author of this book codified doula work in North America. This book will not give you everything about pregnancy, but it does go into depth on how to be an excellent support person during labor and birth. Doulas are assigned this book in almost every training so you know it is a good one. This foundational text uses the word "partner" rather than dad and for that I am grateful. A must for any partner who will be supporting an unmedicated labor.
Feed the Baby, 2023: A more in depth book about all the ways you can feed a baby - from bottle to nursing. I love this for every family. In a surprise to literally no one, inclusive resources are good for everyone not just queer folks. The best part of this book in my opinion is that it comes with QR codes that link to demonstration videos on things like getting a good latch and doing a paced bottle feed.
If you would like to thank me for writing up this resource, you can do so by avoiding Amazon if you buy any of these books. I did not link to them VERY intentionally. They are not queer friendly so I don't think it makes any sense to buy queer books from them. Instead, please use Thriftbooks, Bookshop, or your local bookstore. Or borrow from my library if you are local!
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