Golden Hour Ceremony

This article is dedicated to my dearest families who did not get their Golden Hour, who feel like they missed the initial bonding with their baby, and who are looking for something to ease the pain of a birth that did not go as planned. I'm sending you my biggest love. This writing is for you.

The Golden Hour is not just the time of day when lighting is best for photos. It is also what we call the first hour or so of a baby's life when they are bonding with their parents and adjusting to life on the outside. Historically in the United States, when birth moved to hospitals in the early and mid 20th century, it became much more medicalized and babies were routinely separated from their parents.

Why Does it Matter?

Now we know that being skin to skin with the birthing parent helps the baby regulate their temperature, sugars, and stress levels. New babies are working hard to breathe for the first time and are not so good at other things yet. Being with the person they just emerged from helps a lot. Initial skin to skin helps with chestfeeding rates as well. The benefits go beyond the baby - the Golden Hour reduces stress for a birthing person as well! I have witnessed this scenario so many times: a baby goes to the warmer for a brief visit, and I can see the birthing person vibrate with stress. As soon as the two are reunited, everything shifts, everyone relaxes, and vital signs are better.

All the research confirms that the first hour being undisturbed is a home run. Babies and parents benefit enormously. In an effort to increase buy-in with hospitals and providers, the time right after birth that is meant to be undisturbed got a name - The Golden Hour.

For most parents, the hour zips right by. They are looking at the being they created for the first time. They are checking out their baby and noticing things like how much hair they have and how long their nails are. Often parents spend a long time checking their baby out visually and then begin to engage in other ways like kissing them and smelling them. Recently a new parent exclaimed, "They smell like donut!" Must have been the labor hormones talking, but I'm not one to judge...

I feel sure that there are enormous benefits for babies who are held by their non-birthing parent(s), too. They know that parent by sound and are instantly comforted. I am only not mentioning it as much because we don't have the same research. But I don't need research when I have got my own anecdotal data - babies know their parents!

What Happens When the Golden Hour Doesn't Happen?

Sometimes a parent or a baby needs help after birth and the parent/baby dyad is separated for medical reasons. The most common reasons are when a baby has trouble transitioning from fish to land animal (aka breathing) or when a parent is bleeding too much and needs additional support in an operating room. If that happens, the Golden Hour doesn't happen right away. The good news is that we have research to show that an uninterrupted hour of skin to skin at ANY POINT in the first 24 hours still has all the same benefits, just at a slightly lower rate. In other words, get naked with your baby early and often.

The Golden Hour Ceremony

Many people learn about the Golden Hour in pregnancy and are very excited for it. It is the prize after labor! When a family does not get a chance to do their Golden Hour, it is heartbreaking. Over the years, I have developed a ceremony to support families who did not get to have that special hour right after birth. If you hear the word "ceremony" and think, TOO WOO WOO! stay with me. Really, ceremony is just a fancy word for dedicated time.

Often families who missed the Golden Hour have experienced some birth trauma or a difficult birth. Instead of a regular postpartum visit, we create a ritual healing space. The goal is to provide some closure to the experience of welcoming your baby and offer another opportunity to welcome your child into your family. Here's some of what I do.

Prepare the Space

Preparation for a ceremony is important because it gives families time to transition from thinking about the day as a regular day with their baby to thinking of the day as special. The difference between everyday and a ritual is just intention so any preparation with the intention of entering a sacred time will work. I have helped change the sheets for the bed to prepare the space. I have held a baby while parents quickly tidied the room. I have spent time just sitting and talking with folks about the birth to prepare mentally. I have lit candles and gathered tissues. Although you are doing some physical act, really you are preparing your mind.

The Ceremony

The point of the actual ceremony time is for families to spend one full hour uninterrupted and skin to skin with their baby. It doesn't have to be any more than that. They can just bask in the coziness. Sometimes families are looking for a little more. In that case, I offer that they can sing to their baby. They can tell the baby the birth story - after all, newborns are a captive audience and don't yet speak your language so you can say anything you need to! Sometimes people share what scared them, or what they wished happened.

During this time, I give families privacy. I will usually tidy up a bit in the kitchen or make a meal. If folks aren't sure what they want, I offer to make my golden curry. My goal is to be out of earshot but still reachable in case something is needed. Recently, as a family was settling into bed their baby needed a diaper change. I offered to change the baby's diaper and this had an added benefit - I brought them their baby naked (well, diapered) and they were able to receive their baby together, joyfully much like they imagined they would on the day of their birth. I tucked them in and tiptoed out.

Closing

For the closing, I like to bring in food of some sort. It could be a whole meal or a simple plate of cheese and fruit. Food anchors us in reality after a big shift in energy and emotions. Me coming back in and visually placing something helps folks begin to transition out of the special space and into the everyday rhythms again. I also usually offer to take a photo in case families would like to have a keepsake to remember the ceremony.

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If you had a difficult birth and you missed out on your golden hour, this ceremony can help you to begin finding some closure from your birth experience. I strongly recommend that if you don't have a doula, you ask a trusted friend or relative to help you - part of what makes this a healing experience is the care and tending from others that maybe you didn't have a chance to experience at your birth. If you are struggling with birth trauma, I would also strongly recommend the book How to Heal a Bad Birth; I don't love the name but the resources are excellent. You might also want to search for a perinatal mental health specialist or reach out to Postpartum Suppoprt International.